Yuusk tips: what NOT to say in a first online dating message (part 2)

Text speak & poor grammar

It should go without saying that proper English has a leg up, at least in initial conversations. Anyone can write poorly or in shorthand, so it is far more impressive to use proper grammar to start with.

Why folks opt to use poor grammar in a first message escapes me- especially when real English rolls out in subsequent messages! Perhaps the English language really is devolving, and not even into lolspeak. Sigh.

While text speak and slang may be a bit of a turnoff, poor grammar is a total death sentence. Consider this example:

First that all great pictures. About Me. I’m 29 years old, nice man, I had been living in Miami since 2002. I love to enjoy what this nice city offert us, as a restaurants, bars, clubs, parks, beaches, I’m giants and lakers fun. I also like to do exercises as a run, play soccer in a legue every Sunday. And sometimes basketball. I also like to watch sports . Of course i have my job that i love it, and also i go to school. Tell me more about you.”

Note the odd capitalizations and lack thereof, errant spaces, and improper word usages. Alas, though this is a friendly enough message, its well-meaning sender has made himself look to careless to merit a response.

Messages that look like spam

Some examples:

Hi ,

May I know your name please?

I like your profile and would like to know more about you.

I am in ******* for doing my Summer Internship. Basically I am from ******.

Would you like to talk to me as a friend?

You can shoot your questions too.”

You might look at this and think that, slight grammar mistakes aside, this is a perfectly fine message. It would be, but for the “Hi ,” which (and this could be just me) is the first thing I notice in a vast majority of spam messages.

Starting any message with “Hi ,” or “Hi, Dear” or any sort of sentence that leaves a space before a comma or that first punctuation mark is a dead giveaway that you’re using a generic message. Even if your email is great, that initial beginning might be enough to sour the potential affections of your mark, as the subconscious thoughts of spam messages that that opening line left may leave an unpleasant feeling in her mind.

Some other small pieces of constructive criticism:

Summer Internships do not require capitalization – I only capitalize positions in formal writing or when I’m trying to impart an ironic tone of self importance

“You can shoot your questions too” makes no sense; perhaps this sentence would make more sense with an “over” or, better yet, it could be preceded by “I hope you shoot yourself.” which would certainly intrigue some readers and encourage a response.

Invitations to “Check out my profile”

Girls, I am told (I wouldn’t know), are not super big on guys who are only interested in themselves. Unless they are famous/incredibly rich/super gorgeous. In the online dating realm, it’s a safer bet to avoid anything that might hint at self-importance before proving one of the above factors. Even borderline cases are not worth the risk:

Hello. Your profile is full of personality. Message me back after reading my profile. :)”

In the example above, the Yuusk user does make a friendly acknowledgement of the person he is messaging… but it is generic at best. Giving another user homework (read my profile) is not a good way to start things off.

It might be better to allude to having things in common or to offer a compliment of the target’s taste in books, movies, or music. Such might encourage her to visit your profile out of a curious desire to see what movies/books/music you like.

Pointless salutations

Yuusk enables users to smile, wink, favorite, and visibly stalk each other, so if you don’t feel like writing a complete message, don’t write one at all. Sending over messages like:

Silly Sally!” or “Hey, I’m ******** :)” and “Interested?” or “Ya the government sucks!”

Is not enough. I, for example, already know that I’m a silly Sally, I can see your username already, I would have probably messaged or stalked a user if I were interested, and I don’t know quite how to respond to such brief commentary.

As my high school AP art teacher used to say dismissively when we presented her with our various anguish-ridden works of art: “Embellish!”

I suggest you do the same.

Good hunting!

I hope you have found these real-world demonstrations to be helpful in your online dating exploits. Online dating is awesome, and I imagine that there are lots of perfectly nice folks out there who, unlike myself, are looking for exactly the same thing as you. So good hunting, and may the odds ever be in your favor.

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